It’s been awhile since I have blogged for the studio. In the last 3-months we moved the studio to Stoneham, building out a beautiful new studio space. Honestly, it was difficult. Finding out that the studio would have to move was terrifying. I had just put everything into a space and brand-new business. To say I had many sleepless nights would be an understatement. In fact, I may now have permanent circles under my eyes.
I put the flooring down with my husband piece by piece, painted the walls, installed the barres, moved equipment and furniture…all the while life continued to move on at its usual crazy pace. To add to the craziness, my husband had an accident and broke his shoulder in two places…right around the time we had just decided to sell our home. Yes…sell our home.
As some of you know, my daughter is a figure skater and her schedule has gotten extremely intense. We drive from the North Shore to Boston nearly every day and to competitions out of town. This past spring, we made the difficult decision to sell our home and relocate to a town closer to Boston, so that my daughter can be closer to her home away from home, and my husband can shorten his commute time by 60 minutes per day. This has been one of the hardest decisions I have made in recent years. Part of me…a big part of me doesn’t want to move. I have put my heart into my home that I bought prior to getting married. I was a single mother and buying a home meant everything, stability, a home base, safety, security and permanence. Things that I felt I lacked for many years. Now I find myself again starting over…not something I feel prepared to do. Shouldn’t I be exactly where I thought I would be by this time in my life? I have noticed that all the changes have me a bit unglued, I have felt intense sadness and disappointment in all the things that have not worked out the way I have hoped, as well as almost a type of grief for those things that will never be exactly the way I planned or hoped would be. Feelings that have surprised me. My memories of my daughter as a young child will be etched in this home in my memory forever…I never want to leave.
The very notion of stability, safety, security and permanence are mere constructs that don’t truly exist in a universe that keeps changing. In fact, sometimes the anxiety of knowing how little we control and how life can change on a dime is overwhelming. I have noticed that since the move and pending move of my home, I am thinking more about my own Pilates practice than ever, as I have realized how a daily practice of being in the moment, connecting body and mind is so critical to managing stress, staying healthy and being able to be strong and resilient in the face of changes. In fact, self-care is about the only thing that I can think of that has helped this very difficult transition.
As I transition to the next phase of life, I am practicing a daily ritual of letting go. I hope to let go in order to open up to the newness and continual regeneration of life. I would challenge all of you to ask, what do you need to let go of? Are you holding on to something that no longer serves your life? Engaging in regular self-care is part of a healthy lifestyle and can help when the going gets a bit rough. Learning to let go through regular mind-body practice, movement and self-care is truly essential.
“There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle to limit your opportunities and keep you stuck. Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it. Giving up is imprisoning. Letting go is liberation. Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care.”